The newsletter is short this week because lately I have had the urge to do less. Less of the things on my to do list. Less of the things I call being responsible. Less of pretty much everything that doesn’t smack of ease and fun.
There is a part of me that is loving this new found feeling of freedom that doing less brings and there is a part of me that is freaking out. The part of me that is having a “come apart” in my head is what I lovingly call my task master.
In all honesty, my task master is having a fit! She is throwing a full blown tantrum. Yelling things like…
You have no discipline!
You will never accomplish anything!
You are doing life wrong!
Busy! Busy! Busy! Is the key to success!
My task master loves to keep me on track by insisting I do the right thing. Her version of the right thing is constant striving to be better, do more and take responsibility. My task master is trying to fix me through doing because in her eyes I am not enough.
But I know a secret that she doesn’t know. I am not broken. I do not need fixing. Nor do I need to prove myself or impress anyone. I am okay just the way I am. Imperfections and all.
So, I deliberately decided to not put my task master in charge of my life. How? By asking a simple question.
Is this thing something I want to do or have to do?
Sometimes my wants and have to’s are the same. Sometimes not. So, if something on my to do list does not get a “Hell Yes!” response than I am allowing myself to not do it.
(I know; pretty scary. Is your task master in you raising her head while you read that paragraph? Is she saying things like…easy for her to say, I have responsibilities, or this woman is an idiot!? If your task master made an appearance, give your self a high five because now you have identified her voice. That voice is not you. That voice is the task master. How do I know? Because your true voice is full of love and comfort and soothing. Anything else is your task master.)
What I am finding is a feeling of flow to my day. A feeling of ease, fun, and adventure. A feeling of relaxing into life. Less doing and more being. Being present, aware, and alive. This feeling of flow is so worth the time it takes to soothe my task master. And the best part is that she is becoming more relaxed too!
*One of the things that didn’t make my to do list today is proof reading! So, excuse the errors!