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Holy Cow!

Holy Cow! The unholy trio-Worry, Doubt and Fear.

Do you remember the story of Moses coming down from Mt. Sinai with the 10 commandments? After Moses receives the commandments he arrives at the Israelite camp and finds the tribe worshiping a golden calf. Moses is so angry about the golden calf that he breaks the commandments that God just gave him. Moses is pissed because the tribe lost their faith.

Hang in here with me….I am not one to preach about stories written over 2,000 years ago but what made me think of this ancient tale is a book I am reading called Writing Down Your Soul. The author presents the idea of the unholy trio–Worry, Doubt and Fear. And I thought Holy Cow! That’s it. That’s my golden calf.

How many times have I prayed at the altars of worry, doubt, and fear. How many times have I tried to control my life through manipulation, pleading and bargaining? How many times have I prayed for something and instead of waiting for divine inspiration I have taken the matter into my own hands?

What the hell? Why do I keep doing that? Why pray for an answer and then not not trust that its coming. Why stop the miracle before it reaches me? Why split my own energy of asking and allowing? Why beat down my faith with the three ugly thugs of worry, doubt and fear?

I built these three shrines so long ago inside of me that it is going to take some work to knock them down. I have a feeling it won’t happen all at once; even though I would love to raze the whole place with a gigantic bulldozer! I know it will take some deliberate undoing of these shrines. Faith and trust are required to dismantle my homemade shrines. I know that they are stronger and more reliable than worry, doubt and fear. I know that trust and faith are my allies. I am going to lean on them. Lean on them heavily to get me through this transitional period of ousting worry, doubt and fear.

Over the years I have made really great progress on worry. Fear is coming down slowly too. But, doubt. Oh, holy cow! You are next! Because for me letting go of doubt means truly knowing that I am loved and worthy and important to the ALL THAT IS. It means trusting that I am exactly where I am meant to be-letting go of the need to control, letting go of the need to make something happen. Truly allowing, releasing, surrendering. Surrender-such a difficult thing for me to do, but I think that is what its going to take. Surrender to trust. Surrender to faith. Surrender to ALL THAT IS. Acceptance. Allowing. Making peace with what is. That’s where I start.